By Josh Molina for WrestlingObserver.com
– Air date: Aug. 2, 1985
– Run time: 44:28
While it’s not the final episode of TNT, it is the final episode of the show currently on the WWE Network. The show would last another two years, but for now we are left with another hilarious episode featuring Vince McMahon and his mid-1980s roster of household WWF names.
The show begins with Lord Alfred Hayes showing photos of “Quick Draw” Rick McGraw and his wedding to his “charming wife Lisa”. McGraw was on the show last week promoting his wedding and this was the followup. McGraw would die three months later. Our first guest is the man McMahon calls “one of the all-time greats.” Steamboat comes out in his white pants and red Hawaiian shirt. He’s wearing a Band-Aid on his head that McMahon asks him about. Steamboat says he has seven stitches in his head, but that “I feel good being here.”
McMahon responds: “You look good.”
They go to a match with Steamboat against some wrestler named Gino Carabello. Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura are doing the commentary. Ventura is gushing over Steamboat: “Look at the shape Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat is in. I would like to get a body fat count on him. It has to be around 1 to 1.5 percent.”
Monsoon piles on: “Look at the physique on him. Certainly well put together and that doesn’t happen by accident.” Steamboat is putting on a karate demonstration, before finally winning with a high-cross body block. Steamboat wins with a high cross body block. As he is leaving, the fans are reaching out over the railing trying to touch Steamboat.
“All they want to do is reach out and touch him,” Monsoon says.
Back on the couch, Steamboat says he loves the cheers, but McMahon says with all the adulation comes “responsibility.” Vince is really giving Steamboat a push here and Steamboat also conspicuously looks bigger than ever. Steamboat was always cut and muscular, but in this appearance he looks inflated.
McMahon pulls out a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine and notes that Steamboat is featured as one of the “Top 10 Athletic Hunks” in the country.
But then, the cheery mood takes a somber tone. McMahon takes us to some footage of a match between Steamboat and the Magnificent Muraco. In a bit of accidental comedy, Fuji attempts to drape his belt around Steamboats neck, but falls backwards off the stairs. Fuji gets up quickly and jumps back in the ring to continue the assault. He and Muraco swing Steamboat like he’s in a hammock, before tossing him over the top rope, in a another spot that looked unnecessarily difficult.
This is one of those classic moments from mid-1980s WWF television: Steamboat hanging over the top top rope being hung and choked out by Fuji and Muraco. “McMahon screams “Give me a break. This is not wrestling.” Of course not, it’s sports entertainment.
Back on the couch, Steamboat says that even though he was attacked he enjoys the challenge and that he has finally met his match in Muraco. When we return from a commercial, McMahon introduces us to Cpl. Kirschner, a terrible ripoff of Sgt. Slaughter, who hasn’t been around in sometime. This was probably McMahon’s attempt to replace Slaughter. We meet this 1985 version of Rick Bogner in a swamp, courtesy of Mean Gene Okerlund.
“On assignment in a remote swampy area of South Florida,” Okerlund says.
We here Okerlund say several times that Kirschner served in the 82 Airborne, the division that “served our country so valiantly during the Vietnam conflict, and that fans can “look it up,” in what felt like some sort of weird dig at Slaughter in that Cpl. Kirschner’s credentials were legitimate. Okerlund calls him “a true son of America.”
The segment ends quickly with Kirschner saying:I am proud to be Cpl. Kirschner. I am proud to be an American. I am proud to be in the World Wrestling Federation.” I can’t bag on him two much. I did have his wrestling doll as a child, and he won more than a few matches against the Iron Sheik in my bedroom back in the day.
Next up is Albano, who is grossly pulling up his shirt and patting his belly as he walks onto the TNT set.
“Isn’t this a beauty,” Albano says, of his rotund frame. Actually Albano looks a bit slimmer than before. He doesn’t say he’s lost weight, but instead says that he obtained his physique by eating “three quarts of unborn virgin goat’s milk daily.” You can’t make this stuff up. He also said he eats calf hearts, beef liver and and low carbohydrates.
“That’s what you need to have a body like the Captain” he says.
Up next we get to visit the psychiatric office of Dr. Sigmund Ziff, who famously, or infamously, hypnotized George “The Animal” Steele in a previous episode, getting Steele to admit that he was bullied and teased in elementary school, which made have led to his forced speech impediment. But first we see George in the ring against Steve Lombardi.
Jesse Ventura says that “If you put Albano and Steele together and if brains were dynamite neither one of them could blow their nose.”
Monsoon says Steele is “the most unorthodox man in professional wrestling.” Fortunately Monsoon didn’t live long enough to see Braun Strowman. Steele played the crazy psychotic role perfectly. At one point he bit Steve Lombardi on the arm. Ventura said Steele’s intelligence level is at a first grade level. Steele wins with his chicken wing maneuver that Monsoon and Ventura put over as devastation.
“That move will dislocate your shoulder in a hurry,” Ventura says. Monsoon responds with “I have seen it happen a number of times.”
This is the kind of helpful banter you get with two guys who are working together. If this happened today, Cole would state Ventura’s line and John Bradshaw Layfield would say, “C’mon Cole you’ve never been in the ring, what would you know,” killing all heat around the move.
Back on the couch, McMahon is drinking Diet Coke and is prepping us for a visit to Dr. Ziff’s office. He says Steele made great progress last time, but now they were looking to cure Steele once and for all — through shock therapy. This treatment appears to even be outside of McMahon’s comfort zone as he says, “You got to be kidding me, Mr. Albano.”
Dr. Ziff puts the most ridiculous-looking helmet on Steele’s head and then turns a knob on a machine that appears to send electricity straight to Steele’s head.
George smiles and says: “How Now Brown Cow.”
Ziff, McMahon and Albano laugh and then Ziff decides to turn the knob even higher, but this time the results are much different. Steele starts freaking out, getting an angry look on his face, before ripping the helmet off and running off the set.
Albano snaps: “You quack! We’re gonna sue you. You have destroyed him. You are a garbage collector.” McMahon tells Albano to calm down as the segment ends. Ziff looks outraged by the comments:
After a hilarious first segment with Steele and Ziff, I was surprised they decided to end the angle so abruptly. Seems like they could have stretched this out for weeks before revealing that Ziff was a nut job.
Our final guest is the fattest surfer and beach bum ever: The Magnificent Muraco.
We see Muraco in the ring against some tall guy named Jim Young. Young is tall, but skinny, so therefore relegated to jobber status. Jack Reynolds and Ventura are doing the announcing. The match is short and sweet with Muraco pinning Young with a tombstone piledriver. After the match he dedicated the piledrive to Ventura.
How sweet.
Back on the couch, Muraco’s manager Mr. Fuji hands Muraco a wrapped present and tells him to open it. No it’s not a king cobra. It’s a Ricky Steamboat jacket from his North Carolina gym.
In a moment of incredible hilarity, Muraco attempts to rip the jacket, but fails miserably. It didn’t’ feel as though the segment was scripted to have Muraco fail to shred the jacket. He tried several times and looked frustrated and uncomfortable each time. He even tried to drape it over the corner of McMahon’s desk, but still failed to shred it.
What started as a comedy suspect turns hostile as Muraco shouts “some wino must have sent this.”
He then verbally attacks McMahon and says “is this your idea of a joke?” It was a strange comment considering that his own manager Mr. Fuji gave him the gift. It’s a good thing Muraco never had a live mic during the Attitude-era. He might have made Sid Vicious look eloquent.
The show ends with Muraco rambling about how he’s going to crush Steamboat.
*****
It’s been a fun ride down childhood lane re-watching some of the TNT episodes from 1985 — the WWE’s huge boom period. In watching, one thing is clear to me, whether he is 40 years old or 70 years old McMahon is the WWF/WWE. His personality, world view, creativity, attitude, for better or worse is the soundtrack of the WWE. Whether he’s acting self-righteous, passive aggressively insulting his guests in 1985 or kicking Roman Reigns between the legs in 2015, McMahon makes the WWF/WWE go, and not like Goldberg, but like Shawn Michaels.
The show was also a great platform for stars of that time, including “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Capt. Lou Albano, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and legends such as Lou Thesz and Bruno Sammartino. It was also a place to get to know the jobbers, such as SD Jones, Salvatore Bellomo and Rusty Brooks.
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The WWE appears to be attempting to get at an interview show through its podcasts on the WWE network, but not every interview needs to be some shoot or expose of the business. It would be nice to watch some of these guys who don’t get a lot of time on Monday or Thursday nights interview, half in character and half out, as a way to help get these guys and girls over.
It worked in 1985.