DARIEN, CT — Lying in the back of an ambulance clinging to life and unable to breathe, Ed Petner had a choice to make.
It was Aug. 23, 2003, and Petner, now 65 and a former longtime Darien resident, was on vacation with his family in Weekapaug, R.I. He went out for a 35-mile bicycle ride to Mystic, CT, and back, when, at about 17 miles into the trek, he was struck by a car while stopped at an intersection.
As he hurtled through the air resigned to the fact he was going to die, Petner thought of his four children, and he panicked that his youngest — ages 3 and 7 at the time — would grow up without a father. He heard a calming voice that said, “Relax, everything’s going to be OK.”
“I interpreted that to mean you’re going to die, but your kids are going to be fine,” Petner told Patch last week.
Petner accepted that he was approaching death. He had suffered fractures to his skull, neck, jaw, ribs, and vertebrae. His spinal cord was crushed, causing him to be paralyzed from about his ribcage down. His diaphragm stopped responding, and he was unable to inhale oxygen.
“I didn’t see a light but I remember this inconceivable feeling of peace that came over me and a sense of awe as well, like the way you feel if you walk into a great basilica and you look up,” Petner said of waking up in the ambulance. “It was better than anything in this life. I could see my whole life behind me, and I had tremendous gratitude for every second of it. I was totally OK with that behind me now, and I’m done.”
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A few minutes after he was hit, Petner woke up with first responders tending to him on the side of the road. He mustered up enough strength to give paramedics a phone number to reach his family.
“I didn’t want to be a John Doe,” Petner recalled, noting he didn’t have any identification on him.
While riding in the ambulance to the hospital, Petner woke up again, this time unable to breathe, and he heard one of the paramedics yelling at him.
“He said, ‘Try and hold on just a little bit longer. Think of your kids,'” Petner said. “I remember being a little amused, because he thought I wanted to come back. I didn’t want to.”
But a memory of his wife, Peggy, in a Lamaze class from years earlier, popped into his head, and he began to breathe in air like he was sucking through a straw.
At that exact moment, the song “Take It To The Limit” by The Eagles began to play in the ambulance. It was Petner’s personal fight song going back to when he was in high school on the track team, and it psyched him up through big exams in college and graduate school.
“It became clear to me that I had a choice,” Petner said. “That song of all songs, exactly at that second, came on and it gave me a little bit of faith. If I’m getting this message, there’s no way it’s by chance.”
Petner chose to fight, and he vowed to not let the accident define him.
The recovery and rehab process was long and challenging; Petner was given last rights four times in the first year or so after he was injured due to complications that cropped up.
Once he was released from the hospital, Petner used his pool to exercise. He was a good swimmer before the accident, but he figured he’d never be able to swim again.
However, Petner adapted and developed the ability to function in the water, and by summer 2004, he was able to swim with his feet dragging behind him.
“Once I realized I could swim, I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to let this accident keep me down,” Petner said.
From 2004 to 2022, Petner swam a mile on the anniversary of his accident in an act of defiance.
To mark the 20th anniversary last year and raise money for the Christopher Reeve Foundation to help find a cure for spinal cord injuries, Petner decided to swim a mile on 13 separate occasions. His initiative helped raise $30,000.
This summer, Petner upped the ante and set a goal of swimming 26 miles. He was slated to hit his mark on Sept. 25, which happens to be Reeve’s birthday.
The goal is to make swimming for a cure each summer a nationwide effort, Petner said.
Residents can donate to Petner’s 2024 fundraiser here.
Reeve, of “Superman” fame, was paralyzed from the neck down following an equestrian accident in May 1995. Petner and Reeve had mutual friends, and the two spoke over the phone after Petner’s accident.
In the years after his life changed, Petner, a former money manager and hedge fund operator, worked as a Sunday school teacher, substitute teacher, tutor and a basketball and soccer coach in Darien.
“It really gave me a lot of sense of purpose and meaning, and satisfaction of accomplishment,” Petner said. “The best part was getting to be dad again.”
Petner moved down to North Carolina in 2019, although he still has many friends and family still in Darien.
One of the biggest lessons Petner has learned over the last 20-plus years is how to have patience, and how to be willing to ask for help.
He also learned how to be happy, no matter the circumstances.
“Happiness is a decision. It has nothing to do with your circumstances. The only thing that really makes you happy is appreciating what you have. It’s having an attitude of gratitude,” Petner said. “It’s about appreciating all the little beautiful moments, and I’ve learned to do that. I’m a pretty happy guy.”
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