The John Report: The Raw Deal for 03/22/10 (Michaels/Kane)
Welcome to the Raw Deal. Earlier on Monday I posted a preview of WrestleMania 26 that can be read by clicking RIGHT HERE. I’ve included predictions of every match as well as polls for every match, so you can vote on who’s going to win. Each poll has hit over 1,000 votes by now. I’m interested in seeing the results. For example, right now 80% are picking Undertaker while only 20% are picking Michaels. I think that’s pretty fair although I feel certain that Undertaker’s winning. How about you? If you haven’t checked it out yet, please do so.
Live from San Jose, California this is the Raw Deal…
The show starts off with Shawn Michaels coming out for a promo. He talked about how he had the feeling like he could do anything, which meant he thought he could beat the Undertaker at WrestleMania. He said even though they’ve released a DVD (highly recommended by me, by the way) showcasing his career, it’s not the end of his career because he’s about to deliver volume two. He spoke some more when the lights went out. A video package aired of Shawn’s career until the highlights stopped as they got to WM25 with Undertaker winning. It said “Shawn Michaels Career 1985-2010” at the end, so I guess the Undertaker’s got a part time job on the production team? That explains things. Eventually guest host Pete Rose came out and he wanted Shawn to beat Kane tonight to get revenge for what Kane did to him over the years. The Michaels portion of the promo was strong, but Rose came off as very nervous and uncomfortable. That’s what you get when you stick a retired baseball player as guest host, though.
They showed a Cena/Batista video package from Summerslam 2008 when Cena hurt his neck.
John Morrison d. The Miz (**1/4)
Show and R-Truth were doing commentary here. They had a decent little 9 minute TV match with Morrison scoring the win with Starship Pain. The problem was that the crowd wasn’t into it as much as they should have been and it just felt like another match. Morrison vs. Miz should mean something. Instead, it was just another match. The fact that Morrison won here is a sure sign that Miz & Show are winning at WM, which is what I’ve predicted in my preview. By the way, the US title is pretty worthless again. Would be nice if it was actually defended or recognized even.
Backstage, HHH told Orton that just because they have common enemies it doesn’t make their past go away. So we aren’t allowed to forget about Hunter the McMahon Family Avenger? I’ve already forgotten. Last year’s feud sucked, fellas. It did. Deal with it.
More Cena/Batista video package fest.
Money in the Bank Qualifier: Kofi Kingston d. Vladimir Kozlov (1/2*)
When Kozlov’s music started King goes, “oh no.” It’s like he’s programmed to hate Russians. They had Jack Swagger on commentary. Dude was just awkward in that role. Isn’t he supposed to be a cocky heel? His one line was “there’s only one All-American American.” Yeah, you tell them. Kofi won in about two minutes because he’s wrestling a jobber. These qualifying matches on the Raw side have been brutally bad. A ten man MITB bank match is going to be a mess. Drew McIntyre’s winning with Christian having an outside shot. The other eight are filler.
Random thought: How many fucking commercials are there for this Hot Tub Time Machine movie? Dear God, enough already. It looks terrible too. Somebody got paid money to think of that idea too. That’s the amazing thing. It takes multiple people to green light a movie and this is one that they pick? Brutal.
Stu Hart in the Hall of Fame. Well deserved. The Hart Family are Gods up here in Canada, trust me on that. When it’s on USA Network on Saturday at 11pmET the main focus will be on Dibiase and Hart.
Before the next match, Cody & Ted cut a promo. Crowd was basically dead for this. That’s the problem with these two. Every time they talk nobody cares. It’s because they seem robotic, especially Cody. It’s like they’re memorizing the lines and going word for word. They tried playing it up like Orton’s at the disadvantage and that they don’t care which one of them wins. That’s wrestler speak for they will have problems at the PPV, which will allow Orton to win. Mark it down.
Sheamus, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase d. HHH & Randy Orton (*1/2)
This was booked like the typical numbers game match where the three heels had the advantage against the two babyfaces that don’t trust eachother. I thought this might go 10 minutes, maybe even reach 15, but of course it’s Raw, so they had to end it after only five minutes. They had Sheamus get the pin on Orton with the kick to the head OUT OF NOWHERE~! When Orton was a heel monster he could take all kinds of punishment. As a face he loses in five minutes? I guess so. Orton’s winning on Sunday for sure. I picked HHH for the Sheamus match, but I could see that one going the other way too.
Hey, another Batista/Cena video package. That’s not really new.
Before Bret comes out, we see a recap of last week with the cast coming off. I wonder how many Hart/McMahon video packages have they played since January 4th? It seems like there’s been one every single week and sometimes more than once in the same show.
Bret Hart came out to a huge pop. Stop chanting “WHAT?” you idiots. Bret talks about getting what he wanted by having a No Holds Barred match with Crazy Vince. He says that starting next week all you’re going to hear is that “Bret Beat Vince” rather than “Vince Screwed Bret.” Hart talks about how his family is going to come to Phoenix to induct Stu in the Hall of Fame. Bret talks about WM matches with Austin, Michaels, Piper, Owen and Yokozuna, but he has one promise to make and that at WM26 it is going to be the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. I thought it was a strong promo. He looked really comfortable. Vince came out to end the segment to say: “Bret, one way or another, you’re screwed.” That’s it. I guess that means interference? Maybe The Hart Dynasty attacking Bret as a surprise or is that too random? I dunno. I’m just guessing. Somebody’s going to interfere, it appears. Bret’s winning, of course. I really enjoyed Bret’s promo. He seemed “on” here whereas in the past it wasn’t always the case.
Shawn Michaels d. Kane (*1/2)
The last Shawn Michaels on Raw as a regular and it’s against Kane? I miss Kurt Angle. Random, I know. It’s true, though. Michaels had Kane ready to eat a superkick when the lights went out and Undertaker showed up. Chokeslam to Michaels. Kane covered, but Shawn got his shoulder up. A moment later, he superkicked Kane and got the win. The match was just under six minutes.
Holy shit, another Cena/Batista video package? It’s like they’re in a WWE title match or something. I had no idea. Really.
They had Christian talking to Pete Rose backstage. Pete was ripping on Kane. This led to cheesy Kane/Pete Rose segment punctuated with Kane saying “Don’t bet on it” to the known gambler Pete Rose. Then he “beat him up” behind the door. This was not a high quality segment.
Michelle McCool, Layla & Maryse d. Gail Kim, Beth Phoenix & Eve (1/2*)
My girl Mickie James-Canton was at ringside along with Kelly Kelly while Vickie & Alicia were also at ringside. They referenced MJC’s knee injury. Michelle hit the Faith Breaker on Gail for the win. Where are Gail’s teammates to break up the pin? Oh right, it’s a divas match on Raw. It’s not allowed to go longer than 3 minutes. This didn’t even reach one minute. Why do a six person tag? I guess they were trying to fit them all on the show, but it was far too rushed to have any lasting effect. No divas match for WrestleMania as of yet.
Another Batista/Cena video package. This might be a record number of video packages for any one match. At least it feels that way.
Main Event Interview: Batista and John Cena
Batista came out with security at his side. He cut a great promo because he came off like such a jerk ripping on the fans. He even called himself “the bad guy” multiple times. That’s a rip-off of Razor Ramon, who of course ripped off Scarface. It was a really good promo. The difference between face Batista and heel Batista is that the face version had no personality to him while the heel persona is so full of himself that you want to see him get beat up if you’re a fan. He’s exactly how a heel should be. No interest in being the cool heel. He’s only a jerk and he’s that way all the time. It’s perfect. Cena came out in his regular voice without the yelling or any sense of the yelling coming. Finally he got to him because he called him a coward for hiding behind security while Batista was all angry about it. He ended it by calling Cena a “puppet” (that’s pretty true when you think about how Cena’s the top guy) and they brawled around ringside a little bit until Batista bailed to the back. The crowd was pretty hot for the brawl. I thought each guy did a good job in their promos especially Batista.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Bret Hart – I’m biased, but I loved that promo.
2. Shawn Michaels – Yep, biased here too.
3. Batista – His heel character is really great right now.
6 out of 10
Last week: 6
It was a promo heavy show as always. It was decent, though. At least the Miz/Morrison match nearly got ten minutes while HBK/Kane and the handicap match were okay. They did a good job of promoting the big matches at WrestleMania although I wish they would do more for Money in the Bank. It was barely mentioned the last two weeks. We know where things are with Hart/McMahon and Cena/Batista, so that’s what was important. That’s what they focused on and for the most part they delivered.
You know what I liked, though? Pete Rose was barely on the show. I can tolerate guest hosts as long as they’re not dominating the show.
Maybe they should run more video packages, huh? They certainly love them.
Before we get to the poll for this week’s show, here are the early poll results from my WrestleMania 26 preview where I asked you for the winners of the matches. Only one vote per person. We’ve got over 1,300 votes so far, which is a great sample number.
* Showmiz 85% over Morrison/Truth 15%
* Randy Orton 67% over Ted Dibiase 28% & Cody Rhodes 5%
* Christian 50% over Drew McIntyre 29%, 10th man (Kofi Kingston) 9% and everybody else is under 3%. Apparently 16 people believe in MVP.
* CM Punk 63% over Rey Mysterio 37%
* Triple H 53% over Sheamus 47%
* Bret Hart 96% over Vince McMahon 4% – Who the hell voted for Vince?
* Edge 51% over Chris Jericho 49% – The closest race at this point.
* John Cena 64% over Batista 36%
* Undertaker 79% over Shawn Michaels 21% – I thought it would be even more than that for Undertaker.
When I asked what match you’re most looking forward to at WM26 the top five are like this:
Taker/HBK 55%
Jericho/Edge 14%
Bret/Vince 12%
Punk/Mysterio 7%
Money in the Bank 5%
Only 2% for the Cena/Batista match that was HEAVILY pushed on Raw tonight. The kids love that Cena guy, though. Apparently.
————
Commentfest goes here. I’ll put it up by 8pm ET on Tuesday.
————
I’m running a tournament on my blog called “The Greatest WrestleMania Match Ever” featuring what I feel is a fair way to determine the best WrestleMania match ever. We’re into the elite 8 round. If you click here you’ll be able to catch up on everything you’ve missed over the course of the last week. Get over to thejohnreport.net to check it out as it’s ongoing all the way to WrestleMania.
Keep checking me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport where I now have over 800 followers. Once I hit 1000, I’ll write a column about the 100 greatest WWE matches from 2000 to 2009.
Once again here’s the link to the WrestleMania preview RIGHT HERE. I’ll be back on Thursday with a column about Shawn Michaels. It was going to be on Monday, but I didn’t have the time I thought I’d have. Thursday for sure. It’s pretty special. I hope you like it.
Thanks for reading. Have a great week.
John Canton – [email protected]
Visit the blog: thejohnreport.net
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: [email protected]
Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.