We will start with a quick plug this week. I wrote a short piece on why Daniel Bryan vs. Michael Cole has been a great feud over at my blog that you should check out if you haven’t done so already. It’s an example of how keeping things simple can really work in the long run. On a personal note, we’re embarking on the second year of the Raw Deal now. Pretty cool. I don’t have anything special planned. It’s been fun and I hope to keep it rolling.
Live from Austin, Texas this is the Raw Deal…
It was a weird open to the show with Edge beating on Evan Bourne, of all people, to start the show. The announcers put it over as Edge talking to the crowd pre-show and Bourne interrupted him. They had a brawl for a minute or so with Edge ducking out of the SSP only to recover by spearing Bourne. Edge got on the microphone to talk about Cena, Sheamus and Orton while saying that the fans shouldn’t trust Orton because the viper will bite them back. Orton comes out. Edge talks about how he knows Orton has a hurt shoulder and that he won’t let him strike with a RKO. So then Orton hits him with a RKO. Edge was fantastic in this segment from the attack on Bourne to his heel promo work. Huge fan of Edge here. And I’m sure some people thought Orton was hurt just doing the RKO. I doubt he was, but it’s nice to have sympathy for a babyface. Good opening segment that was different from the norm because it gave us that “anything can happen” feel that we usually don’t see.
Backstage, guest host Ashton Kutcher talked to Eve about his movie and about Zach Ryder talking smack to him on Twitter. He put a bounty on Ryder, which I guess is their way of promoting the movie. Thrilling. The Miz walked in and Kutcher told him that they signed Daniel Bryan for one night to face Miz. Kutcher said if he had his camera he’d shove it up his…and Eve told him it’s PG. He could have said butt. In case you couldn’t tell, Kutcher was not at Raw in Texas. It was pre-taped in Los Angeles with the wrestlers that live in the area (Eve & Miz). So not only are guest hosts void of all power, they also don’t have to be in the arena for the show. So why the hell are they still on the show? Do we really need “hosts” on the show from a remote location when there’s an actual GM now? Why do I ask questions that I’ll never get answered? Let’s roll on.
R-Truth d. Chris Jericho (**)
I love how Cole said if Jericho won this non-title match he could get a title match in the future. Right, because a guy like Jericho couldn’t get a shot at the barely defended US title. Good comedy there. Jericho did the job clean in about ten minutes by losing on a counter to the Walls of Jericho. The match was just okay. They had some chemistry issues at times. It’s partly because of Truth’s style, but he’s not a bad worker. He’s just awkward at times. Anyway, as long as Jericho’s not in a title picture he’s going to put people over. That’s what he does. And that’s why he’s so valuable to WWE. What other main eventers do that? Nobody. Best in the world for a reason, people.
Recap of Batista quitting last week. That was great.
Zach Ryder & Alicia Fox about the bounty angle that was pretty lame. They left and in came The Hart Dynasty. They asked Bret about who attacked them last week and he explained they are named the Usos. Congrats to WWE for continuity. Last week I bitched about how the Usos debuted on a show where Bret was GM and that it didn’t make sense for them to attack THD. They just explained it with this segment with Bret teaching them about tough love. Thank you WWE for continuity. More of that would be nice.
Pre-match talk for Maryse/Regal vs. Eve/Santino involved Santino saying to Kozlov that he wants him to be his partner. He said Eve has “agreed to make love to Kozlov” (it’s a PG show, remember?) and then corrected it by saying Eve would love it if Kozlov was his partner. Some funny lines from Santino, who also busted out the cobra. I like that man.
Santino & Eve d. Regal & Maryse (1/2*)
The match sucked, of course. Eve did her vintage one legged dropkick that barely connected. The match “broke down” after a whole two minutes, Kozlov ran in and gave a sloppy chokeslam to Regal that looked like it hurt him. Santino unknowingly covered. Post match, he saw on the video wall that Kozlov helped him. If you’re wondering why they’re doing the Santino/Kozlov thing it’s because they’ve already filmed a couple of episodes for a sitcom idea featuring Santino, Kozlov and Beth Phoenix. It’ll probably run at WWE.com only although they hope it can get picked up.
Oh and if you’re looking for a really nice video of Maryse that really shows how sexy she is, check out this one minute clip from youtube promoting her website. Trust me, fellas. You’ll be glad you clicked the link. Um, yeah. I miss when WWE divas were actually in good photoshoots. Damn you PG.
Nice video package honoring those in the military on Memorial Day in the US.
GM Bret Hart came out to talk. He mentioned next week’s Raw is three hours (God I really hate those three hour shows due to all the writing) and that Smackdown will be there too. Says they want to do something special. Ted Dibiase comes out, wants to pay Bret & Teddy to run the show. Not happening. Then Kutcher, taped from Hollywood, interrupts to say they should make it a fan’s choice Raw. Pick the matches and the stipulations. Basically it’s like how Taboo Tuesday/Cyber Sunday were. Cue Vince McMahon, who apparently changed his mind about killing off the Mr. McMahon character. I’m guessing the decreasing Raw ratings helped that decision. He talked to Bret about the responsibility of being GM and basically warned him you can’t always please the fans. You have to make tough decisions. Bret said he’s ready for that. I like Vince, but it felt a bit long-winded by the end. The best part of this whole thing was Vince bellowing on the microphone: “Let’s hear it for Vince McMahon!” I haven’t been told to hear it for something since The Flame told us: “Let’s hear it for friendship!” It was maybe my favorite guest host thing ever because it was so cheesy.
Backstage, Ryder asked Orton if he was the bounty hunter. Nope, Randy would have dropped him already. Zach left and OUT OF NOWHERE~! appeared Edge to slam the door on Orton’s shoulder. That is WWE’s way of saying while we will promote Orton in a match, he’s not wrestling until Fatal Fourway at the earliest. Clever booking, to be honest. I don’t mind stuff like that.
Daniel Bryan d. The Miz (*)
It’s about damn time. And they only get two minutes? Well, it was more of an angle than a match. Miz was in control for much of it, then Bryan grabbed him in a couple submission holds to show that he can make somebody tap at anytime. Miz didn’t tap, but Bryan beat him with an awkward looking cradle. The best was they cut to Michael Cole looking shocked at ringside. Hilarious. Post match, Miz threw him out to the floor and told him to apologize to Cole. Instead, Bryan countered and threw Miz into Cole. Crowd loved that, as did I. I am loving this build for Bryan. Now just dump the stupid “one day contract thing,” announce that he’s signed on full time and have him out there putting on the best matches of the show. Looking forward to it. I’m loving this storyline as much as anything in WWE.
After the break Cole said he was assaulted again. Then he went back to being the babyface announcer that he is. For five minutes he acts like a heel. Then he goes back to normal, stupid Cole.
In ring, Jay & Jimmy Uso along with Tamina talked about their debut last week. They talked about their Samoan heritage and how they aren’t as regarded in WWE history as the Hart family. So that’s your motivation for the attack: disrespect. The Usos are the sons of Rikishi, which Lawler pointed out after the promo, while Tamina is the daughter of Jimmy Snuka, which she pointed out in the promo. It was a decent promo. They’re young, so obviously have a long way to go. It’s just refreshing to see new performers get promo time to explain their actions because most of time they just debut and we never hear from them. As they finished up, THD attacked. Didn’t work, though. The Usos fought back and the three of them ended up giving Superfly splashes to all three members of THD. One of the dudes, I guess it was Jay, jumped way earlier than the other two. That’s okay, we got the point. It worked fine.
Zach Ryder came out. He mentioned his 23,000 followers while Lawler mentioned that Kutcher had 5 million. Way to put over that WWE is small time, Lawler. Good work. The bounty hunter was potentially Lawler, then Khali, then Goldust, but no…it was Alicia Fox with a poorly thrown axe kick. And that’s why you don’t mess with Kutcher’s 5 million followers says Ashton. Is anybody going to see the movie because of this segment? No. Did Vince think this segment was great? Probably. It wasn’t. Worst part of a great show, easy.
Backstage, Sheamus & Edge threatened eachother, but agreed to go after Cena. Yes, Sheamus said fella. I love that word. Shout out to my friend Denise that hates when I say it!
Next week’s Raw will have guest hosts from the A-Team including UFCer Rampage Jackson, who I bet against on Saturday. Thanks for losing, buddy. More details on the 3 hour fan interaction Raw on WWE.com later in the week.
John Cena & Evan Bourne d. Sheamus & Edge (**1/2)
Cena said Orton can’t compete, so he got a new partner that was mad from earlier tonight. And since he’s never on the show, might as well throw him the main event! I added that last part. Anyway, the person is Evan Bourne. Crowd loved that. You know, despite the fact that he loses all the time and is barely used the guy is extremely popular. It’s nice of WWE to finally realize that. I guess Batista leaving, HHH filming a movie and Orton getting injured forced their hand. The match was a lot of fun, going about 12 minutes. As expected, the heels beat up on the small guy for a while. He did a great job of selling while Cena really got the crowd into it. Have to give Cena props for being the best hype guy in WWE. He knows how to keep the interest of the audience. This crowd was really hot for the action here. Cena got the hot tag, he cleaned house and eventually put Sheamus down with the Attitude Adjustment thanks to help from a Bourne kick from the apron. Tag to Bourne, who hit the Air Bourne SSP for the win. Man, that’s such a pretty move. It looked as good as ever. The crowd popped HUGE for it. Listen to them, Vince. They want this.
Show ended with Cena and Bourne celebrating to the delight of the fans. Happy ending to a quality show.
Three Stars of the Night
1. Evan Bourne – That was fun. Let’s hope it lasts.
2. Edge – He was on all night.
3. Daniel Bryan – Finally. Unleash this talent.
Bonus to Santino, who was fucking hilarious.
Worst Moment of the Night
The segments that involved the hit on Zach Ryder. Brutal.
8 out of 10
Last week: 7
My scores for the last three Raw’s have been a 7.5, 7 and now a 8. Alert your friends. Raw doesn’t suck anymore. Not a coincidence that it happened at the same time that Edge & Jericho got on the show again. It’s like they’re good or something. You throw in the Canadians and the quality goes up. It’s not rocket science.
It was a great ending to the show. My hope is that leads to Bourne getting a decent push. Who knows, though? I could see him getting inserted into a 4 way US title match at the PPV with Truth, Jericho & Miz, which could then lead to a feud with Jericho. That would do wonders for him. Who knows? There’s a lot they could do. I just hope they remember the pop he got and that they carry on with it going forward. The fans are desperate for new guys near the top. Make him the new Mysterio. The guy can work and he’s likable. It could work.
Basically I liked everything this week except for the bounty hunter stuff. That was just lame. And I’m not a fan of guest hosts that are in a remote location. Just end the concept.
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Keep checking out the blog at thejohnreport.net for other random shit throughout the week like the JC’s Take piece on why the Daniel Bryan/Michael Cole feud is so much fun. Still working on a fairly big column that I hope to hammer out by the end of this week. We’ll see on that. I’ve been procrastinating a lot lately. Thank a woman.
Thanks for reading.
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